Sunday, September 17, 2006

Satire as a trend


My Satirical Self


Published: September 17, 2006

Lately, my father has been angry. Seventy-nine, a veteran of the U.S. Navy, a lifelong dues-paying member of three labor unions and now a collector of Social Security, my father, temperamentally a gentle person, is often filled with rage. The news does this to him, not so much the stories of tsunamis or hurricanes or any instances of environmental malice that lawyers call “acts of God.” No, acts of God fill my godless, liberal father with melancholy, if not sorrow, over the inequity of the world, whereas it is the iniquity of the world, what you might call “acts of man,” that are, these days, driving him to distraction. My father’s solution to such furies, dependable as the daily newspaper, to the anger that sets upon him when he learns of the latest folly in the corridors of power, is to turn to the op-ed pages. For our purposes here, it hardly matters who is writing, though, naturally, he has his favorites. What matters to him is that every day, in those well-reasoned column inches, he finds a mirror for his rage.


Illustration by Andrew Rae

Whereas, over the same period, his son has managed not to be angry, not in the least. Thirty-seven, a veteran of nothing, a subscription-paying reader of two magazines, a person whose Social Security pay-in, so far, is a sad little sum, I am, just as often as my father is furious, filled with mirth. Yes, I am aware of the disasters of the world, and they affect me no less deeply than they do him. What’s more, my father and I are of one mind about the inveterate folly, craven hypocrisy, unchecked greed, rampant abuse of office, ugly abuse of trust, vile abuse of language and galloping display of ignorance that has become a daily standard. And yes, I should admit that when I happen to think about such matters — when, say, my father phones me to chew over some morsel of maddening news — I find myself overtaken by a most unpleasant feeling. I imagine it is not unlike what must be suffered by a man who returns home after a long day’s work to find, in his absence, that his lovely house has been looted. And whereas my father, standing, as it were, at the front door of that plundered house, has come to find temporary shelter nearby, in reason — the arguments marshaled by those whose views he shares — I have found no relief in such reading, which lately I have forgone.

In its stead, though, I have found a way not to be angry at all.

I have taken shelter in the ridiculous.

Imagine, for example, another warm morning in August 2005. The national atmosphere that summer was humid with talk of intelligent design, the evangelical putsch — in Pennsylvania, in Kansas, in America — to see pseudoscience imparted to our keen young scholars in place of the theory of evolution. My father, I knew, would be calling on such a day (and did) to rail thereupon. “Did you read Paul Krugman?” my father asked.

“Of course,” I replied, “I did not read Paul Krugman.”

What did I read? A newspaper I keep bookmarked on my computer browser and which, among many destinations, I visit every morning. Here, in part, is what it read:

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New “Intelligent Falling” Theory

Aug. 17, 2005 | Issue 41.33

Kansas City, KS — As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center for Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held “theory of gravity” is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

“Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, ‘God’ if you will, is pushing them down,” said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Should N.S.A. satellite footage surface of me reading the above report — which appeared in The Onion: America’s Finest News Source — you would witness me nodding with pleasure, shaking with delight and laughing aloud (or, more accurately, snorting un-self-consciously). Why is this man snorting? I am doing so with relief, saved, as I was, from having to endure another reasonable argument in unreasonable times. This is, after all, a country where anyone is free to believe that the fingerprints of the Creator, however small, are discernible on even the tiniest microorganism (just as I am free to hold my sober conviction that chocolate rainbows pave the way to a heaven made of fudge). And yet, to my uncaffeinated morning self, intelligent design seemed as brusque a turn of the American evangelical screw as I had encountered — a crude, anticonstitutional crack at marrying church to state. It was just too ridiculous! How ridiculous was it? Pretty perfectly on par, I’d have to say, with the refutation, along evangelical lines, of gravity.

That comedic turn, that comedic tone — a smart blend of parody and hyperbole and mockery — provided, that day, a remedy for my rage: it got channeled smoothly into ridicule. And that channel — a broadband of joco-serious rebuke — has been eating up the major part of my personal market share. As much as caffeine has become a matutinal necessity, a means of brokering, yet again, an uneasy truce with daylight, the kind of laughter — a well-aimed dart — induced by the larky bulletin above has become a no less necessary stimulant. How I hunger for that knowing tone! Like our little friend the lab rat at his lever — all a-jitter from another marching-powder marathon — I have acquired a taste for an addictive brand of fun.

Which means, of course, that I’m in luck: for that tone has been resonating through every echelon of American culture, a shift affecting and informing every storytelling medium, whether factual or fictional. The Onion, of course, is only where my day gets cooking. Other browser bookmarks send me to half a dozen sites where I hope to extract similarly intemperate snorts. The best of these, for sure, I forward along to friends — fellow traffickers in yuks — who, young and old, unfailingly send me links found during their own morning frolics. These I follow no less intrepidly than Theseus did Ariadne’s thread, leading me, once again, out of my labyrinth of rage to that happier place: YouTube. There, with a dependability that would make a demographer pump his fist and an advertiser lose his shirt, I watch segments from “The Daily Show” and its spinoff, “The Colbert Report” (programs that, funnily enough, poached The Onion’s top writers). In such shows, then, I find that tone — so knowing, so over it, so smart, so asinine. And given the choice, these days, between a smartass and, well, a dumb ass, even the Academy Awards, that most treacle-toned of evenings, picked this year’s host from that clever category.

And picking the smartass, it seems, is what we’ve been doing, across the televised board. We’ve been tuning in to “The Simpsons” (in its 18th season, the longest-running sitcom in television history), which pokes tirelessly away at the idea of the American family, not to say America. We’ve been turning on “South Park” (in its 10th season, the longest-running sitcom in cable-television history), with its bile-tongued children probing every asininity (and which made a successful trip to the big screen in “South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut”). We’ve been ordering in “Chappelle’s Show” (the top-selling DVD of a television series in, well. . .DVD history), with its now-embittered impresario, who, erewhile, was acid-tongued as he chewed up (and out) another cracker, whistling all the way. We’ve been showing up at “The Office,” in branches on either side of the Atlantic, each of which, with regionally adjusted inflections, paws away at its constricting white collar (not to say its creator’s later “Extras” — another kind of office, a celebrity waiting room with sexier furniture). Like the soulless producer in the Coen brothers’ “Barton Fink,” our Hollywood executives have been courting the equivalent of That Barton Fink Feeling: that ubiquitous tone — so “young,” so “hip,” so “edgy.” Like the lava lamp of yore, it has been tucked into the hot corner of every room, whether “Da Ali G Show,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Boondocks,” “American Dad!,” “King of the Hill,” “The Thick of It” or, on the big screen, the no less knowing “Dawns” — and Shaun — “of the Dead,” “American Dreamz” and “Thank You for Smoking.”

But if we were to think that that tone — so sarcastic, so ironic, so sardonic — were trapped within entertainments trundled onto screens, we would be wrong. It has pervaded literary fiction for decades, from Joseph Heller’s “Catch-22” to Philip Roth’s “Our Gang” to David Foster Wallace’s “Infinite Jest.” No surprise, then, that it should feature in the work of our most heralded young authors of the past year, whether Gary Shteyngart’s unbridled “Absurdistan,” Colson Whitehead’s mocking “Apex Hides the Hurt,” Marisha Pessl’s madcap “Special Topics in Calamity Physics,” not to mention books by our more seasoned storytellers — “In Persuasion Nation,” by George Saunders; “The Diviners,” by Rick Moody; “Little Children,” by Tom Perotta; and “A Changed Man,” by Francine Prose.

All of these varied entertainments — human emanations on the Web, on television, at the movies and between hardcovers (whatever their differences in ambition, conception and achievement) — are attuned to the ridiculous in modern life. They are all, in other words, satirical: they revel in, and trade on, knowingness. And if we seem to be enjoying a sort of golden age of the satirical, that invites the question How successfully does satire serve our culture? That there is so much might seem proof of its expediency. After all, what could be wrong with a mode of expression that orients a critical, comical eye to flaws in the contemporary weave? And yet, you might wonder, as well, whether a culture can have too much of that knowing tone and, if so, just what that “too much” might mean.

The ancient Romans provide the beginnings of an answer, in large measure because that’s where satire has its beginnings. Just as Americans like to claim jazz as “our art form,” the Romans claimed satire as theirs. Gaius Lucilius (second century B.C.) was the first satirist, a writer vocal about the negative virtues of his fellow citizens — mostly the tendency to imitate their Greek neighbors in everything. As boastful as a modern-day rapper, Lucilius pointed to himself as the original Roman — not some Helleno-wannabe — as much because of what he lampooned (things Greek) as the fact that he lampooned at all. I am Roman, his writings say, hear me mock. And indeed, it was how such criticism was delivered that made satire different — and differently effective — from, say, a sermon. “A cultivated wit,” wrote Horace, a later Roman satirist, “one that badgers less, can persuade all the more. Artful ridicule can address contentious issues more competently and vigorously than can severity alone.” Sounding like the always-fulminating Lewis Black of “The Daily Show,” Rome’s Juvenal tells us: “It is harder not to write satire. For who could endure this monstrous city, however callous at heart, and swallow his wrath?. . .Today, every vice has reached its ruinous zenith. So, satirist, hoist your sails.” The idiot wind, blowing every time Rome’s hypocrites moved their mouths, drove her satirists, in their artful way, to bluster back, setting a course pursued by writers living in turbulent eras ever since.

When, in 1729, the Tory politician Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) published his satirical “A Modest Proposal” — which, in the straight-faced language of a sermon, advocated solving the problem of poverty by selling Irish children as meat — his mode was perfectly ironic. Swift did not wish to see his countrymen’s children ground into shepherd’s pies. Rather, he wanted to level an attack on political opponents who were devouring the Irish people. Swift, then, was approaching a troubling question upside down and intimating a sarcastic answer. (As such, Stephen Colbert, in parodying Bill O’Reilly’s extreme rhetoric, is fully Swiftian: “The Colbert Report” works to convince us of the opposite of its host’s every misguided opinion.) For Swift’s part, he believed that satire was a way of “prompting men of genius and virtue to mend the world as far as they are able.” His fellow Augustan Alexander Pope wrote, “When truth or virtue an affront endures, the affront is mine, my friend, and should be yours.” And although satire could not be a remedy in and of itself, it was doing a good deal, Pope assured, when it could “deter, if not reform.”

Indeed, this elegant, not to say defiant, means of addressing “affronts” to truth has proved a liberating mode of expression for authors across the ages, from Chaucer to Cervantes to Voltaire. Most comprehensible of all, perhaps, is the attraction that so insubordinate a brand of comedy, a very free kind of speech, held for writers in a country formed through insubordination — our own. Prerevolutionary America was rife with satirical pamphleteers, and even Benjamin Franklin, in his “Rules by Which a Great Empire May Be Reduced to a Small One,” lampooned the misadministration of the colonies. And yet, when readers today experience the best satires of our past, editorial points that once took center stage now shuffle toward the wings. Whether in the rueful parody of Mark Twain’s “War Prayer” (“It was a time of great and exalting excitement”), the wicked ironies of Ambrose Bierce’s “Devil’s Dictionary” (“Conversation, n. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor”) or even the mordant sarcasm of Dorothy Parker’s “Comment” —

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

A medley of extemporanea;

And love is a thing that can never go wrong;

And I am Marie of Roumania.

— we are responding, not so much to the underlying “point” each author makes as to the virtuosity of its execution, the satirist’s fine ear for language, the pleasurable spectacle of seeing words used originally, used well. Yes, as it happens, Parker, Bierce and Twain are making timeless points: love, often unlovely; conversation, frequently dull; war, not exalting. No one, though, would needlepoint these revelations onto pillows — they’re old news. In the hands of an adept satirist, however, the old news satire brings becomes a special report. It reads, in part, that human civilization is not so wonderful: look, satire testifies, at the latest, artless shenanigans we’ve gotten ourselves into. But the report also shows that human civilization can be wonderful: look, satire says, at how artful we can be.

Satire, then, signals both the sickness and health of a society in equal measure: it showcases the vigor of the satirist and the debility of the satiree. As such, we might conclude, in America, that its abundance suggests a normal balance of destructive yin and creative yang, a human need to view the most vexing frailties of a culture through the liberating prism of lampoon.

An episode of “South Park” from last year, “Best Friends Forever,” was shown on the eve of Terri Schiavo’s final day, inspired by the grim battle among family members. Their private tragedy, we know well, became a series of loggerheaded squabbles in which efforts to reach consensus on what we mean by “human life” rapidly devolved. The creators of “South Park” addressed this rhetorical erosion with no small insight and freakish speed. (Like all their episodes, this one was produced in less than a week.) Kenny, the accident-prone child, is killed by an ice cream truck while playing his Sony PSP — the portable game console that, last year, was the grail of children everywhere. At the reading of Kenny’s will, Cartman, the obese, morally repugnant child who, on another episode, ate the parents of a kid he disliked, is left the PSP. Alas for Cartman, Kenny, dead for almost 24 hours, is belatedly revived. Now on a feeding tube and, as his doctor explains, in “a persistive vegetative state. . .like a tomato,” Kenny is, by law, alive. Kenny’s possessions, therefore, revert to him. As Cartman goes to the Colorado Supreme Court to seek the removal of Kenny’s feeding tube (so he can get the PSP), Kenny’s more altruistic friends, Kyle and Stan, court the media: “We’ll make everyone in the country know that they’re killing Kenny.”

The national uproar that ensued on this cartoon was, in temper, not a great deal more cartoonish than the one that was playing out that evening in Schiavo’s real America. The episode, however distorted by crudity, mirrored the polarizing rage of our citizenry, recalling nothing so much as Ambrose Bierce’s satirical definition of conversation. The genius of “South Park,” scatologically over the top though it tends to be (Oprah, this season, was kidnapped at gunpoint by her vagina), is how it nonetheless manages, with glee, to go after everyone, artfully sketching our society’s inability to make sense of itself, to itself.

Another target that our satirists have been skewering is our confusion about the responsibility that corporations, governments or, indeed, parents, have to tell the truth. Released in the spring of 2005, “Thank You for Smoking” (adapted from Christopher Buckley’s very funny novel) featured the charismatic tobacco-industry lobbyist Nick Naylor, a villain with a hero’s face and a salesman’s mouth. As one senator puts it, “The man shills. . .for a living,” a profession about which Nick’s son is curious. Joey, 12, understands that his father makes arguments on behalf of corporations, but given that the corporation in question manufactures death, he wonders what happens when his father’s arguments are wrong:

NICK: Joey, I’m never wrong.

JOEY: But you can’t always be right.

NICK: Well, if it’s your job to be right, then you’re never wrong.

JOEY: But what if you are wrong?

NICK: O.K. Let’s say that you’re defending chocolate, and I’m defending vanilla. Now, if I were to say to you, “Vanilla is the best flavor ice cream,” you’d say. . .

JOEY: No, chocolate is.

NICK: Exactly. But you can’t win that argument. So, I’ll ask you, “So you think chocolate is the end all and be all of ice cream, do you?”

JOEY: It’s the best ice cream. I wouldn’t order any other.

NICK: Oh, so it’s all chocolate for you, is it?

JOEY: Yes, chocolate is all I need.

NICK: Well, I need more than chocolate. And for that matter, I need more than vanilla. I believe that we need freedom, and choice when it comes to our ice cream, and that, Joey Naylor, that is the definition of liberty.

JOEY: But that’s not what we’re talking about.

NICK: Ah. But that’s what I’m talking about.

JOEY: But. . .you didn’t prove that vanilla’s the best.

NICK: I didn’t have to. I proved that you’re wrong, and if you’re wrong, I’m right.

JOEY: But you still didn’t convince me.

NICK: I’m not after you. I’m after them.

Nick’s “them” are the people beyond the table where they sit, the wider world he would have believe that smoking is an expression of freedom. For Nick, “liberty” is merely rhetorical: it is, as he says, what he’s “talking about.” He doesn’t mean a word of it: he only means to win. The truth is not his — or, we are to understand, perhaps no longer our — business.

The business of scoring this frustratingly debased game of contemporary conversation has been the main focus of “The Daily Show.” Stewart et al. have built careers as liberal foils to conservative talk radio. Where the Limbaughosphere thrives on a muscular, hectoring rhetoric, the mode of “The Daily Show” has been a lampooning of such bullying. Although “The Daily Show” can revel in the same kind of posturing, even if the stance is far more liberal, the best of its work is restrained in the Horatian manner. The show’s “artful ridicule” is at its most scrupulous when attentive to, critical of and vocal about abuses of language. When James Frey, author of the fraudulent memoir “A Million Little Pieces,” was being torn apart by an array of talking heads indignant over his distortions, Stewart offered a deadpan summation that spoke to the perfervid journalistic outrage. Pundits were upset with Frey, Stewart explained, “because he misled us. . .into a book we had no business getting into.” Armed with scrupulous syntax alone, Stewart ironically evoked two infamies that rhymed with Frey’s: the claim that the Bush administration had misled us into war and the observation that the media, so severe in its judgments of Frey’s lie-world, had remained less dogged before the administration’s possible untruths.

This is artful indeed, but a high point both for “The Daily Show” and contemporary satire more generally came shortly after The New Yorker published Seymour Hersh’s 2004 exposé, “Torture at Abu Ghraib.” There was genuine shock, both here and abroad, that a prison taken from a dictator who had used it to torture Iraqi dissidents had in turn served as a forum for the torture of Iraqis by their American “liberators.” Much of our high-flown rhetoric, billowing grandly over Operation Iraqi Freedom, collapsed on the mast. The irony — uncomplicatedly galling — seemed obvious enough, but its precise grade was measured nowhere more finely than in an exchange between Stewart and Rob Corddry, a player who has since departed. As Corddry explained to Stewart, his voice that of a schoolteacher instructing an uncommonly simple-minded child:

Jon, there’s no question what took place in that prison was horrible, but the Arab world has to realize that the U.S. shouldn’t be judged on the actions of a. . .well, that we shouldn’t be judged on actions. It’s our principles that matter; our inspiring, abstract notions. Remember, Jon, just because torturing prisoners is something we did doesn’t mean it’s something we would do.

This is not, as it is sometimes called, “fake news”; rather, blunt satire. Co-opting the patronizing, abstraction-rich rhetoric of the administration of which “The Daily Show” has often been critical, Corddry shined a bright light on an empty set of bromides. All too clearly, words can prove seductive — but only to a point: the point where such seductions become fundamentally ridiculous.

Of recent examples of American satire, though, most remarkable may be Stephen Colbert’s appearance this spring at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner. For anyone familiar with Colbert’s lampoonery on “The Daily Show,” not to say his rise to headlining “The Colbert Report,” it was something to see him following in the footsteps of Cedric the Entertainer, Jay Leno and Drew Carey — comedians who most recently tummled at the pleasure of the president. Whatever your tastes, we can agree that they are creatures of the mainstream. Whereas Colbert is nothing if not a critic of that mainstream, one traveling its trashy wake. Consider, then, his straight-faced, pseudoconservative patter, as he expressed, that night, his parodic support of a president sitting a few feet away:

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound — with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Or how he “defended” the administration’s apparently chaotic profile:

Everybody asks for personnel changes. So, the White House has personnel changes. And then you write, “Oh, they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.” First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

And how he reproached the “liberal press that’s destroying America” for its lack of professionalism:

Let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works: the president makes decisions. He’s the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put ’em through a spell-check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know — fiction!

To go by the media swirl that followed, Colbert’s speech that night represents in our culture a culmination of what satire does well or, rather, cannot but do: when it bends to kiss a hand, it bites. Such Lucilian ferocity drew the intended attention. By a great many journalists, Colbert’s “antics” were deemed abusive, discourteous, tasteless. And yet, by a great many citizens, Colbert’s appearance was a moment of hallelujah: he made many people — most poignantly the press — uncomfortable. Colbert stood in their midst, yes, but stood apart, just as the first Roman satirists stood apart, initially from things Greek and then from the corruption that flooded the mainstream. Whatever its latest stance, satire always finds its footing high above the polluted river of a culture, a vantage point from which it taunts. From Juvenal to Swift, from Franklin to Twain: each stood above his era’s lies and, from such a lofty perspective, named the truths of his time.

The appeal of such a mode of discourse to any vice-blighted age is understandable: it provides another means to editorial ends. And yet, more than merely editorializing, it also demonstrates a capacity for better behavior in human beings — our creativity, our subtlety, our panache. That so many people are responding to satire in the public square, and, indeed, that so much satire is thriving at a center usually held by more anodyne entertainments, suggests our hunger for the better — the better articulated, the better said, the better thought, the better done.

At the outset, I said I had taken shelter in the ridiculous. Upon reflection, the ridiculous may not be the most well shielded of retreats. Can you take shelter in the ridiculous if everywhere becomes ridiculous? For the tools of satire, the sharp knives of sarcasm and the pointy shivs of irony and the toy hammer of lampoon are being wielded with widespread enthusiasm, and not merely by cunning builders of satirical speeches and stories. Rather, they are being lent to us all, to enable every possible construction. Did you hear, for example, the news conference President Bush gave in Germany over the summer? “I’m looking forward to the feast you’re going to have tonight,” he said to the German chancellor in a moment of folksy charm, “and I understand that I may have the honor of slicing the pig.” This drew laughs, and when his remarks wound down, the president repeated, “I’m looking forward to that pig tonight.” This before fielding the following from a reporter:

“Does it concern you,” the man asked, stuttering, “that the Beirut airport has been bombed, and do you see a risk of triggering a wider war? And on Iran, they’ve so far refused to respond. Is it now past the deadline, or do they still have more time to respond?”

“I thought,” Bush replied, “you were going to ask about the pig.”

Try to ignore, if you can, the image of the carcass of a pig, Bush poised, knife in hand, ready to carve. Consider instead that when asked on an international stage about real carnage — about spreading violence in the Middle East, about a constellation of worries suggesting a world at the brink of war — the president’s reply did not take the questioner’s inquiry seriously but, rather, sarcastically. His rhetoric sounded less like that of a steward of state — one addressing serious matters with sobriety — than that of a smartass. And this was not Juvenal’s sarcasm, or Twain’s, or even Colbert’s: it was not elegantly tuned to a point nor artfully part of a formal design. It was, instead, almost perfectly inappropriate and, of course, not unindicative of the president’s normal rhetorical mode. For it is not, I think, as is so often said, that the president is as much inarticulate as he is too clearly articulate, in a way: his tone, consistently condescending, betrays his sense of being, like a satirist, above those he calls down to. And that tone — carelessly sarcastic, thoughtlessly ironic, indiscriminately sardonic — that is the very one you now find everywhere. Bush is us; Bush is me: his is the same sarcasm I employ when I tell my father, once again, that of course I didn’t read today’s op-ed.

It makes me wonder what happens when the language of argument and the language of ridicule become the same, when the address of a potentate is voiced no more soberly than the goofings of some rube. Perhaps that leveling of language merely passes, the rhetorical registers recalibrated by nothing so much as an unfolding of the days. Or perhaps there’s another way of putting it, one voiced by President Bush himself. After Colbert, after Germany, just before Labor Day, there was yet another news conference, one that found the president asking the press corps — who so lately protested their mistreatment at satirical hands — how long they were to be stationed in a temporary briefing room across from their typical quarters. “The decision will be made by commanders on the ground,” cracked one. “There’s no timetable,” went another. “What do you think this is,” quipped the president, “the correspondents’ dinner or something?”

That, it seems to me, is an excellent question.

Wyatt Mason received this year’s National Magazine Award for Reviews and Criticism. He is a contributing editor of Harper’s Magazine.



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Ephemeral Nature of Friendships

This phenomenon has happened so many times in my life I have lost count. There's a bittersweet feeling about it, but it happens all the time anyway , even though I know it's coming by now.

The Fall Breakup


Published: September 15, 2006

IT was, as usual, an active summer in Southampton for Bruce and Eunyce Lipnick. “We’d go to Sant Ambroeus, every Saturday morning,” said Mr. Lipnick, who is chairman of a Manhattan hedge fund and a 20-year veteran of the Hamptons. The friends the Lipnicks routinely encountered over croissants and cappuccino at the bar of Sant Ambroeus, a popular restaurant on Main Street in Southampton — the ones they typically ran into later in the day on Cooper’s Beach — would suggest dinner at Savannah or maybe Nello. Done.


Nancy Carpenter

Gordon M. Grant for The New York Times

Summer ties in the Hamptons are forged at social events like a party at the Wolffer Estate Vineyard in Sagaponack. But when the weather cools, so do many of those friendships.

Bill Cunningham/The New York Times

Donna Karan shopping benefit in Water Mill.

Gordon M. Grant for The New York Times

Gallery openings at Watermill Center.

“Then we’d all arrange to meet and go to polo matches every Saturday afternoon and to the Hampton Classic in August,” Mr. Lipnick said, referring to the late-summer horse show.

This Labor Day weekend, as on so many Labor Day weekends past, Mr. Lipnick said, his family and their friends exchanged phone numbers and promises to meet for dinner in the city during the off-season: “They said, ‘We’ll get in touch over the winter,’ and we said, ‘We’ll get in touch over the winter.’ ”

The wise will not sit waiting by the phone.

Some people find vacation homes where their friends from the city go; for them, summer has the same cast of characters as winter. Others buy where they know absolutely no one and want to keep it just that way, thank you very much. For them, summer offers the bliss of solitude, a Thoreau-ish experience not compatible with the crowded calendar — dinner with a client, parents’ night at school, niece’s dance recital — of fall and winter.

But for those vacation-home owners who compartmentalize their socializing, who have discrete groups of city friends and country friends, their May through Labor Day relationships have the feel of a shipboard romance: there’s an evanescent quality to the bonds made on the beaches and boardwalks of summer communities.

As in Las Vegas, what happens there stays there.

As Mr. Lipnick explained, encounters with their beach buddies next Memorial Day weekend will invariably begin with a round of excuses about why those summer friendships cooled when fall arrived. Standard, according to Mr. Lipnick, are lines like “Oh, we were so busy all winter.” Or: “We meant to call you. We were about to call you.” Or the-dog-ate-my-homework variation: “I left your number in Southampton. Now, give it to me right now and I’ll put it in my BlackBerry.”

“I think people are sincere,” Mr. Lipnick said. “I think they want to see one another and mean to, but they just get busy with their routines.

“It’s like my daughter at the end of camp. Every year, I see her writing down her friends’ numbers and addresses and I ask her why she’s bothering. I tell her, ‘You know you’re not going to call them,’ and she gets mad and tells me she’s going to call every one of them. Three weeks later I ask if she’s called anyone and she says, ‘No.’ ”

Having a full dance card at home is one reason some people are perfectly content to keep their friendships seasonal. Ward Kelvin, a home design consultant for Ralph Lauren who, with his partner, owns a vacation home on Long Island, said, “It’s like there are parallel universes.”

“There are people who live on our block in Manhattan who are our neighbors in East Hampton,” Mr. Kelvin said. “We socialize with them out there for three months and never see them in the city. You just can’t fit everyone into your life.”

But there’s another, less attractive, explanation. Sometimes, perhaps, when you get down to it, those June and July pals are just not our kind, dear.

“There’s a classless situation here,” said Jeff Evans, general manager of Lake Naomi, a country club community in Pocono Pines, Pa. “People often don’t know what other people’s occupations are and they don’t care. The distinctions might be more of an issue if they got together during the fall and winter.”

The convenience factor also plays a role in summer friendships. You’re here; I’m here. You’ve got a bat. I’ve got a ball. Let’s be friends. It could also be that people’s horsemanship or tennis skills or golf skills are similar but that nothing else in their lives matches. Sure, they’re sitting in the same location on the beach, but that’s the extent of their common ground.

Diane Saatchi, senior vice president in the East Hampton office of the Corcoran Group, a real estate company, said that sometimes wives become close “because they’re out here during the week while their husbands are in the city working, and the women can’t really imagine their husbands being friends.”

Kathy Braddock, a Manhattan-based residential real estate consultant, had a house on Copake Lake in Columbia County for 10 years during her marriage. “There was a lot of running in and out of other people’s houses, and when the summer ended there was a feeling of wanting to replicate that closeness at home,” she recalled. “Sometimes you realized that having a common experience was great but that you didn’t necessarily like the people you were having it with.”

Still, if you’re sitting on a beautiful lake at 6 p.m. and your neighbors have a boat and some beer, the attitude may well be, why not hop on and drink up. “You can be less discriminating.” Ms. Braddock said. “You look at your time differently in the country. If you’re having dinner for two hours with people you don’t like, you’ve had 10 other hours to do what you wanted. You can be more tolerant because you’re being pleased by so much around you.

“But on a precious Saturday night in the city,” she continued. “you’re not going to want to hire a baby sitter and spend a couple of hundred bucks to have dinner with them.”

At the end of the summer, Hannah Dinkel, a real estate agent on Shelter Island, often hears people say, “We must get together in the city.”

“And I know they don’t mean it,” she said, “because they can barely stomach them on the beach so they certainly don’t want to see them on city pavement, but they’re too polite to say so.”

AFTER 30 years as a summer resident at Lake Naomi, Peggy Witt insists that she no longer feels the slightest bit of guilt about failing to keep in touch with her summertime cronies. “It’s just a different mind-set in winter. If by chance you did run into anyone, you’d say ‘I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on,’ ” said Ms. Witt, a secretary, who lived in Hillsdale, N.J., until this year, when she moved full time to Lake Naomi.

“I had a very good friend who lived 20 minutes away in the next town and I never saw her,” she added. “But Memorial Day, it was right back to square one.”

Not everyone is quite so jaunty about this off-again on-again buddy system, these 90-day renewable friendships. Coco Myers, a writer who used to live in Manhattan and spend summers in East Hampton, moved permanently with her husband to the North Fork 10 years ago.

Over the last seven years, Ms. Myers, the mother of three, says, she has formed an intense bond with a vacation-home owner down the street. “We do errands together in town, meet up at the beach, go to the farm stands together,” she said. “She has a pool, and we’ll often do afternoons at her pool. We have wine at each other’s houses and go out on a lot of girl nights.

“Then, come Labor Day, boom, gone. We keep up the e-mails in the fall, and she says she’s going to miss me, but from mid-November to May, the e-mails drop off. She has her own friends in the city and I have my friends out here, but there is a little sense of abandonment.”

The more philosophical seem to view the fall breakup, the same-time next-year stance, as just the natural order of things. Robert Laconi, a Queens-based theater director and teacher, says he has great affection for the friends he’s made at his summer house in upper Bucks County, Pa. So, he insists, it shouldn’t be taken as an insult that none of them are on his speed dial.

“I think I feel sort of protective of the two worlds,” he explained. “There’s something about keeping your summer life and winter life separate. If those worlds start to blend and you’re with these people all year around, I think it would dilute the benefits of having that other place to go.”

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Saturday, September 16, 2006

Funny Books

Merged Book Contest Winners

From the Washington Post Invitational contest, Merge-Matic Books: Readers were asked to combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable description of the merged book.

"Machiavelli's The Little Prince" -
Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.

"Green Eggs and Hamlet" -
Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.

"Where's Walden?" -
Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods.

"Catch-22 in the Rye" -
Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep school, you're probably not insane.

"2001: A Space Iliad"-
The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane10-year war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.

"Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi"-
Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove Rudyard Kipling's theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft from Polynesia.

"The Maltese Faulkner" -
Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?

"Jane Eyre Jordan" -
Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.

"Looking for Mr. Godot"-
A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her life. She has a loooong wait.

"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" -
An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France.

"Lorna Dune" -
An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant worm jockey in order to impress her.

"The Remains of the Day of the Jackal" - A formal English butler puts his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.

"The Invisible Man of La Mancha"-
Don Quixote discovers a mysterious elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and all the while singing "To fight the Invisible Man!" until he is finally stopped by a windmill.

"Of Three Blind Mice and Men" -
Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked off by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life?

"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" -
Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and regained the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.

"Paradise Lost in Space"-
Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist, and two annoying children.

"The Exorstentialist" - Camus psychological thriller about a priest who casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose to what it's doing.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Ann Richards

I was a journalist in Texas when Ann Richards was governor. I met her many times and had several meals with her. I loved her. I am truly sad at her passing - she was the same age as my mother was when she died in August of 2005 : 73. Doesn't seem like long enough when someone you love dies that young.

The National Speech that made Ann Richards famous follows her obituary and a few special appreciations, below.

Ann Richards, Former Texas Governor, Dies at 73


Published: September 14, 2006

Ann W. Richards, the silver-haired Texas activist who galvanized the 1988 Democratic National Convention with her tart keynote speech and was the state’s 45th governor until upset in 1994 by an underestimated challenger named George W. Bush, died Wednesday at her home in Austin. She was 73.


Chester Higgins Jr./The New York Times

Ann Richards, the former governor of Texas, in 2004.

Ms. Richard died, surrounded by her four children, of complications from the esophageal cancer, the Associated Press reported.

Ms. Richards was the most recent and one of the most effective in a long-line of Lone Star State progressives who vied for control of Texas in the days when it was largely a one-party Democratic enclave, a champion of civil rights, gay rights and feminism. Her defeat by the future president was one of the chief markers of the end of generations of Democratic dominance in Texas.

So cemented was her celebrity on the national stage, however, that she appeared in national advertising campaigns, including one for snack chips, and was a lawyer and lobbyist for Public strategies and Verner, Lipfert, Bernhard, McPherson & Hand.

“Poor George, he can’t help it,” Ms. Richards said at the Democratic convention in 1988, speaking about the current president’s father, former President George Bush. “He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.”

Her acidic, plain-spoken keynote address was one of the year’s political highlights and catapulted the one-term Texas governor into a national figure.

“We’re gonna tell how the cow ate the cabbage,” she said, bringing the great tradition of vernacular Southern oratory to the national political stage in a way that transformed the mother of four into an revered icon of feminist activism.

Dorothy Ann Willis was born Sept. 1, 1933, in Lakeview, and graduated in 1950 from Waco High school where she showed a special facility for debate. She attended the Girl’s Mock State government in Austin in her junior year and was one of two delegates chosen to attend Girl’s Nation in Washington.

She attended Baylor University in Waco — on a debate scholarship — where she met her future husband, David Richards. After college, the couple moved to Austin where she earned a teaching certificate at the University of Texas in 1955 and taught social studies for several years at Fulmore Middle School.

She raised her four children in Austin.

She volunteered in several gubernatorial campaigns, in 1958 for Henry Gonzalez and in 1952, 1954 and 1956 for Ralph Yarborough and then again for Yarborough’s senatorial campaign in 1957.

In 1976, Ms. Richards defeated a three-term incumbent to become a commissioner in Travis County, which includes Austin, and held that job for four years, though she later said her political commitment put a strain on her marriage, which ended in divorce.

She also began to drink heavily, eventually going into rehabilitation, a move that she later credited with salvaging her life and her political career.

“I have seen the very bottom of life,” she said. “I was so afraid I wouldn’t be funny anymore. I just knew that I would lose my zaniness and my sense of humor. But I didn’t. Recovery turned out to be a wonderful thing.”

In 1982, she ran for state treasurer, received the most votes of any statewide candidate, became the first woman elected to statewide office in Texas in 50 years and was re-elected in 1986.

In 1990, when the incumbent governor, William P. Clements Jr., decided not to run for re-election, she ran against a former Democratic governor, Mark White, and won the primary, then later fought a particularly brutal campaign against Republican candidate Clayton Williams, a wealthy rancher, and won.

Among her achievements were institutional changes in the state penal system, invigorating the state’s economy and instituting the first Texas lottery, going so far as to buy the first lotto ticket herself on May 29, 1992.

It was her speech to the Democratic convention in Atlanta, though, that made her a national figure.

A champion of women’s rights, she told the television audience: “Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.”

In 1992, she was chairwoman of the convention that first nominated Bill Clinton.

Two years later, she underestimated her young Republican challenger from West Texas, going so far as to refer to George W. Bush as “some jerk,” a commend that drew considerable criticism. Later, she acknowledged that the younger candidate has been much more effective at “staying on message” and made none of the mistakes that her campaign strategists had expected. She was beaten, 53 percent to 46 percent.

Her celebrity, however, carried her onto the boards of several national corporations, including J.C. Penney, Brandeis University and the Aspen Institute.

She also co-wrote several books, including “Straight from the Heart: My Life in Politics and Other Places” in 1989 with Peter Knobler and “I’m Not Slowing Down” in 2004, with Richard M. Levine.

On her 60th birthday, she got her first motorcycle license.

“I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends can kill you,” Ms. Richard once said.

Survivors, according to The AP, include her children, Cecile, Daniel, Clark and Ellen Richards, and eight grandchildren.



Lone Star lady

Ann Richards and I saw everything on Broadway and loved to rag about George W. Bush. They were some of the happiest years of my life.

By Liz Smith

Ann Richards

AP photo/Michelle Bidwell

Ann Richards raises her arms in celebration after being sworn in as governor of Texas in Austin on Jan. 15, 1991.

Sept. 14, 2006 | NEW YORK -- "It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune," said Woody Allen.

This is also an Ann Richards thought if ever there was one. Ann always said she couldn't carry a tune, but her one-time aide Sandra Castellanos recalls that whenever she started to sing "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay!" Ann would always burst out of her office and finish it with a flourish: "My, oh my, what a wonderful day."

I recall now a glorious moment onstage at the St. James Theatre when Ann and I appeared as "cowgirls" in a musical number for the Broadway benefit to help the Women's Health Initiative of the Actors' Fund. We came out in ridiculous garb with huge brown felt chaps, hats, boots, the works. We were later castigated by the New York Times critic as women who could neither sing nor dance. What did they know? Ann and I thought we had done great imitating Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance performing "I'm an Old Cowhand From the Rio Grande." In our patter I blamed Ann for George W. Bush's rise and her failure to stop him. She said, "That's not funny, Liz!" and shot me with her cap pistol.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Democratic Party and thousands of admirers, public and personal, took a big hit on Wednesday night. As you know, our friend Ann died after a six-month bout with esophageal cancer. She had been in and out of M.D. Anderson hospital in Houston and they had pronounced her cancer gone. But even the mighty, the feisty and the brilliant Ann couldn't come back from this terrible illness. She left this world only blocks from the big white mansion in Austin where she had been such a successful and unusual governor of Texas from 1991 to 1995. The combination of Karl Rove and George Bush put her out of office in 1995. She became a famous speaker and fundraiser for the Democrats but refused to run again herself. Many people urged her to try for the presidency, but Ann said she needed to make some money. "I don't want to end up living in a trailer parked in my daughter's driveway in Austin."

Bette Midler just called to tell me the New York Restoration Project will plant a huge tree in the city in Ann's memory. "Not one of those little mangy $100 ones either," said the heartbroken Bette. I am under an avalanche of condolences now and will offer them to Ann's devastated family -- her attorney sons, Dan and Clark, her wonderful social worker daughter, Ellen, and her eldest, Cecile, who is now the head of Planned Parenthood in New York. Ann had many grandchildren, and she was surrounded by them and by friends like the writer Bud Shrake, who was her main man, and Jean and Dan Rather, Ladybird Johnson, Liz Carpenter, Molly Ivins and others during her brief illness.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It is a shock to lose Ann, who was always so concerned about her health and that of her pals; she was an exercise and good nutrition fanatic and often made jokes about my careless ways, telling people that I ate only from the brown and white food groups.

The five years that Ann spent in New York working for Jack Martin's Public Strategies advisory group were some of the happiest of my life, since I got to introduce this wonder woman to everybody in Manhattan.

When Ann came here to live five years ago, Le Cirque gave her a party and 600 admirers, including Bill Clinton, welcomed her. Ann and I worked some charities together and we saw everything that opened on Broadway. (The theater should shroud its lights on the Monday night of her funeral because she was its greatest fan and supporter. How well I remember intermissions where hosts of people came to touch her, talk to her and try to sit in her lap. It was like being out with a rock star to be with her in public.)

The election year of 2008 will be much dimmer without Ann, stumping with humor, sarcasm, a high intelligence and a combative manner for the Democrats. And I am unable to express how diminished those of us who really knew and loved her feel. She was young at heart, truly beautiful, comic, serious, dedicated, loyal -- a champion for women, for minorities and for common sense.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Only recently when I asked Ann her point of view about granting some kind of amnesty to illegal Latins in the United States, she just laughed: "They better grant them some way to stay here because otherwise our hospitals and nursing homes will never have the staff to take care of all of us who are growing older. The people caring for me at Anderson are almost all Mexican, Dominican, Puerto Rican, and they are simply wonderful."

This was the last thing Ann ever said to me -- typically caring, penetrating, socially observant. So goodbye to one of the most fabulous women I've ever known. Ann, it was a great privilege to be your friend!

About the writer

Liz Smith is a nationally syndicated columnist.



Ann Richards to Lie in State Sunday


Published: September 17, 2006

Filed at 4:17 a.m. ET

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- Former President Clinton delivered poignant and at times funny recollections of former Gov. Ann Richards, a woman he called ''spontaneous, unedited, earthy, hilarious.''

Clinton tearfully escorted a flag-draped casket Saturday carrying Richards into the state Capitol. Her body will lie in state a second day Sunday before her funeral and burial on Monday.

Clinton told about 50 of her close friends and family about a lunch he once shared in New York with Richards and a group that included comedians Billy Crystal and Robin Williams.

''I thought to myself, I bet this is the only time in their entire lives that Billy Crystal and Robin Williams are the second and third funniest people at the table,'' he said, drawing chuckles from misty-eyed family members.

Richards, the Democrat known for her big, frosty white hair and sharp wit, died Wednesday at the age of 73 from esophageal cancer.

''In this case, goodbye is also a celebration, because of the big things that Ann Richards did,'' Clinton said.

A Texas Department of Public Safety honor guard rolled the casket into the Capitol rotunda, followed by Clinton and Richards' daughter, Cecile, as a girl's choir sang a hymn from a gallery above. Across the rotunda, Richard's painting hung next to one of President Bush, her successor as Texas governor, in its place among all their predecessors. Her portrait was draped in black.

Clinton called Richards ''Texas on parade.''

''For 30-plus years, that is certainly what she was to me and Hillary,'' he said. ''First she was big: big hair, big bright eyes, big blinding smile. She also had a big heart, big dreams, did big deeds.''

During her one term as governor from 1991-95 she championed what she called the ''New Texas,'' appointing more women and minorities to state posts than any of her predecessors.

He described the world that Richards wanted for her grandchildren as one ''where young girls grew up to be scientists, engineers, police officers and teachers ... where the dreams and the spirit were as big as the sky in her beloved home.''

When Clinton finished speaking, Richards' daughter, Ellen, thanked him for ''all the great times that you shared with our mom.''

Clinton paused for a moment beside the casket, then greeted family members, hugging or shaking hands with each one in attendance. At one point, he bent down to comfort Richards' 8-year-old grandson Wyatt, who broke down in sobs.

After Clinton spoke, the Capitol Rotunda was opened to the public. Hundreds of mourners snaked around the building. Later, some visitors left tributes to Richards on a grassy area in front of the Capitol.

One note read: ''Ann, Thank you for all that you've done for women in Texas. We will miss you dearly.''

Richards is survived by her four children -- Cecile, Daniel, Clark and Ellen Richards; their spouses and eight grandchildren.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Health / Weight loss?

Personal Health

Exercise = Weight Loss, Except When It Doesn’t

Stuart Bradford


Published: September 12, 2006

People who exercise regularly give many reasons for why they do what they do regardless of life’s demands. They say exercise can improve their health, mood, strength and stamina.

Readers’ Opinions

Forum: Fitness and Nutrition

But for many, whether they say so or not, a desire to lose or control weight is a major motivation. Deciding if exercise is an effective method, though, can be a challenge.

On one hand, you may have heard that exercise is not very useful for knocking off extra pounds, though it helps to maintain weight. Or you may have heard that only weight-bearing exercise — like jogging or brisk walking — can help you lose those unwanted pounds, while activities like swimming and cycling are not helpful as far as weight goes.

At other times you may have wondered why, after you took up activities that were supposed to burn 500 calories a day, you failed to lose that pound a week.

What is the truth about exercise and weight, and how can you accurately calculate the caloric value of various activities?

In the August/September issue of ACE Certified News (published by the American Council on Exercise), Ralph La Forge, managing director of the Duke Lipid and Disease Management Preceptorship Program at Duke University Medical Center, compiled a detailed analysis of the various factors that influence the effect of exercise on weight loss.

Mr. La Forge started by refuting the prevailing belief that since a pound of fat (when burned) gives off 3,500 calories and since running or walking a mile burns 100 calories, a person should lose a pound for every 35 miles. In other words, if a previously inactive person starts running or walking five miles a day, that person should lose a pound a week, all other things being equal.

Some Calories Have to Be Subtracted

Not so, says Mr. La Forge, because this estimate fails to subtract the number of calories that person’s body would have used had it just sat still for those hours. Rather, for a 154-pound person, the net caloric cost would be 54 calories per mile when walking up to 3.5 miles per hour, 97 calories speed-walking at 3.5 to 5 m.p.h., and 107 calories jogging or running.

In other words, running uses nearly twice the calories used when walking at a moderate pace over the same distance. Your starting weight is also a factor: if you weigh less than 154 pounds, the caloric burn is proportionately less; if you weigh more than 154, it is higher.

Furthermore, if you walk or run on a treadmill, the aid of the machine diminishes the number of calories your body uses by about 10 to 15 percent of what the machine says you are burning. But, Mr. La Forge noted, there is a positive side: “The mechanical advantage of some machines enhances exercise comfort and reduces impact and musculoskeletal stress.”

In addition, if the weather is bad and you are unable or reluctant to work out outdoors, being able to exercise indoors may mean that you use more calories a week than you would otherwise.

Duration and intensity of physical activity are important factors in how much fat the body burns for energy, which, after all, is what you want to lose. The harder and longer you work out, the more fat you will shed.

When you diet without exercising, you lose both muscle and fat, which is counterproductive because muscle loss significantly lowers your basic metabolic rate, the number of calories your body uses at rest.

Type of Activity Matters

Weight-bearing activities that work against gravity — aerobic activities like walking, running, cross-country skiing, dancing, skating and stair-climbing — use proportionately more calories at a given level of effort than swimming, cycling or water aerobics.

The more muscle groups involved in your activities, the more calories you are likely to burn. That is why working out against gravity uses more calories than non-weight-bearing activities. On the other hand, because activities like swimming put less stress on weight-bearing joints, many people can do them for longer periods, making up for the lower caloric burn.

If your workout includes hills (real ones or on exercise equipment), you will use more calories per minute than doing the same activity on level ground. But if you engage in resistance exercises — working out with weights or on machines that strengthen various muscle groups — you may gain several pounds of muscle that partly offset the loss of body fat.

In other words, you may lose fewer pounds than if you expended the same number of calories on an aerobic activity like brisk walking or swimming, but you will be stronger and better toned. With greater muscle mass, your basic metabolic rate will rise and you will burn more calories all day and night. And since muscle holds less water and takes up less room than the equivalent weight of fat, by shedding fat and gaining muscle you can lose inches and sizes without losing actual pounds on the scale.

Keep in mind, though, that the time spent doing resistance exercise burns fewer calories than if the same time were spent on aerobic activities.

Mr. La Forge pointed out that how skilled you are at your chosen activity also influences the calories burned. Those less skilled make unnecessary movements or have to work harder at the activity, using more calories an hour than those who perform it efficiently. That may sound like it is an advantage to be unskilled, but there is a significant downside: Those with less skill tend to tire faster and thus spend less time at the activity. They are also more prone to overuse injuries.

Another factor in caloric burn is the increased number of calories the body uses after a workout. Both aerobic and resistance exercises raise energy expenditure over the next 12 to 24 hours, but the range is great — from 10 to 150 calories, depending on the type of activity and how long and vigorously it was done. Though it does not sound like much, it can add up over the long run.

Your Body Counts, Too

People who are overweight or obese burn more calories proportionately doing the same activity, for the same duration and at the same intensity, than those of normal weight.

But some people compensate for the calories burned by eating more or doing less. If you exhaust yourself by overexercising, you may do less routine activity for the rest of the day, reducing the caloric benefit of your workout.

Or if you know you expended 300 extra calories in your morning workout, you may — consciously or otherwise — make up for them by eating more that day. On the other hand, many people find that a vigorous workout before lunch or dinner diminishes their appetite and reduces their overall caloric intake, adding to the weight loss resulting from the exercise itself.

Some factors are out of your control. People are born with metabolic differences. Some have a higher resting metabolic rate or produce more fat-burning enzymes than others. People with a low percentage of slow-twitch muscle fibers seem less able to burn fat in skeletal muscles and thus may have a harder time losing weight through exercise, Mr. La Forge wrote.

Finally, gender counts. Women tend to burn more fat under the skin but have a harder time getting rid of abdominal fat than men do.