Today, by the time it got to be noon, I thought there would be no blog entry. Then I read a couple of emailed letters from friends, and although i seldom enjoy chain-type letters, both of these were above average.
Enjoy.
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy
Because of your concern:
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 10 friends and make a wish within three minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin. and she's a lawyer.
15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About
1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you. But don't count on it. Learn either how to defend yourself or how to make a quick and clever escape.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. But you DON'T want to know all those ways, believe me. At least 5 of them are perverted.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. Yeah right. Or it could be that you screwed them over so royally that that's reason enough right there.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. It can also bring sexual harrassment charges in the office; a 911 call to police by a mother watching you smile at her child in a city park; and a lifetime of enmity from someone who just suffered a misfortune that benefitted you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. Uh-huh, just hope it isn't that person in the cell with you.
6. You mean the world to someone. Only if your name is Atlas.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living. Just really try to keep the second "not" in there, ok ?
8. You are special and unique. Since EVERYONE is, doesn't logic suggest that NO ONE is ?
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. That's only because her/his mother made up stories about you that depicted you as a hero who died bravely after she/he was conceived but before she/he was born.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. Especially if your spin doctors are better than theirs.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. The Atlas thing again.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it. This applies to everything but a raise.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. Except if they are so naughtily good you WANT to remember them to use on somebody else.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. See #1 above, because in most instances you will be risking some kind of attack or death if you do this.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great. Anyone who is genuinely "great" knows it, so if you have a great friend, use them while they are still "great," for fame is fleeting, and ignominity lasts a lifetime.
A Minute: They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. This is the best warning I have ever seen about choosing your lovers, spouses, and friends wisely, or suffering the consequences.
Take the time .. to live and love. . . to cover your ass so you avoid blame . . . and to smell the garlic bread browning perfectly before it burns in the broiler !
I think this second chain letter could also work as humor if certain post scripts were added to each one - but that's for you to have fun doing - if only in your imagination.
P.S. I finally could not resist. The added comments (in blue) are mine. Intended for Entertainment purposes only - no offense intended in any way. Send me the additions YOU would add to make the original comments in red funny !
